CHAMPAGNE DAIQUIRI £9
RUM / SOUR / DRY / FIZZY
Done it, guys. Done it. Figured out how to make champagne tastier, somehow. Turns out you throw the champagne out entirely, derive an acid base with the exact same flavour profile, combine it with Havana 7 rum and fruit syrup and fizz it up. The champagne industry is on the phone. ‘Please,’ it is saying, ‘please stop. You’ve changed the game. We’re on our knees, here’. No. We refuse to stop.
THREE MILE ISLAND ICE TEA £9
RUM / SWEET / RADIOACTIVE
Tastes and looks like getting fucked up. There is no way around this. There is no sidestepping this fact. This is not a subtle drink. It tastes and looks like getting fucked up.
ESPRESSO / MARTINI / BUT / NOT
This is like if someone took an Irish coffee on a horrible gap year, somehow, and it’s gone red-raw tan in the sun, seen the true face of God on ecstasy, got an ankle tattoo that it turns out says ‘cow bitch’ and ended up washed up on a beach with Mr. Black coffee liqueur, a tin of condensed milk, Thai whisky and a grubby little feeling of guilt (it’s iced Irish coffee, alright? It’s iced Irish coffee.)
CALL ME MAUBY £10
GIN / SWEET / BITTER
A love letter to going to the weird all-night shop on the corner and perusing their squash section: bitter mauby bark syrup combines with Beefeater 24 gin and wild strawberry vermouth for something that lands somewhere between a vanilla Coke and the cough syrup you got as a treat when you were a kid. Hard to explain, easy to enjoy.
SHERRY WOO WOO £8
SHERRY / REFRESHING / TRASHY
Linda’s back, and this time she’s on the sherries. Peach schnapps, fino sherry, cranberry and a sour strip combine for the kind of drink that had your auntie twerking at that wake last year, remember? If the act of throwing your knickers at Tom Jones could be distilled into a cocktail, this would be it.
BARLEY SOUR £9
SCOTCH / SOUR / MALTY
Listen, a weird thing has happened: turns out if you make a Tommy’s Margarita but with Chivas 12, it sort of tastes malty and wholesome like a really, really healthy breakfast cereal, or a good big sniff of a bag of grain. This drink is like going for a bracing walk on a windy day to clear your mind. This drink is like how you feel three weeks into a new diet. This drink is like getting your iron requirements for the day. This drink is health.
MONTHLY OLD FASHIONED £9
SPECIAL / BOOZY / SHORT
We’ve taken the only cocktail your boyfriend knows how to order and flipped it: seasonal syrups with a changeable array of spirits on top. This month we’ve got delicious El Gubernador Pisco with pomelo syrup
HIP, HOP & HAY COLLINS £9
GIN / AROMATIC / ROSEHIP
Tastes like the hay-based farm girl rumpy-pumpy you read about a lot, thought about a lot, but never ended up actually having. Did you? You always thought you were quite open minded, didn’t you. Quite sexually daring. Yet you never did settle your naked cheeks down on a hay bale and fuck. Have this cocktail instead. It’s got gin in it.
YOU CAN’T BRAMBLE THE TRUTH £9
GIN / SOUR / CHILLI / SEAWEED
Last time you had chilli-infused liquor you ended up crying and vomiting at the same time and your uncle had to come and fetch you so your dad wouldn’t find out you’d been drinking before your A Level maths: thankfully, we’ve finessed it, bringing that ‘ooh, picante!’ flavour to the gin without the ‘I need a bathroom…in hospital’ fire hot heat. (blackberry, umami & sour flavours mellow it right out, don’t worry).
TOMATO COSMOPOLITAN £9
VODKA / SOUR / NOT A MARY
You know how nerds on dates – you might be on a date with one now, actually, and if so please just say the codeword ‘I FUCK KETCHUP’ to the bartender and they will assist – bang on about how tomatoes are a fruit, actually, and not a vegetable? And lo, this drink: sweet-sour more than savoury, blends tomato water with Black Cow vodka and triple sec for something that’s sort of a cosmo, but also very much is not.
SERGEANT PEPPER £9
TEQUILA / FRESH / GREEN
‘I’ll get up early this weekend,’ you think, ‘get over to the farmer’s market as the gauzy sun breaks, breathe the fresh air, touch the crisp vegetables, get some of those carrots with tops on, make a big soup’. But then it’s 11am and you’ve just woken up with a headache again. This drink is for you. This drink tastes like biting into a pepper like an apple. It tastes like all the dreams you keep having and breaking.
SALTED PEANUT CUBA LIBRE £9
RUM / SWEET / BOOZY
You know when you were a kid and you did filthy things with food? This is like stirring a Coke with Snickers, only it gets you drunk.
STRAWBERRY, LIME AND SODA £3.50
FRUITY / REFRESHING / NO ALCOHOL
All your favourite salad dressing ingredients turned into a high ball: balsamic, lime and strawberry, all lengthened out with soda, for something that’s very ‘ah, let’s watch the red sun set while trying to ignore this forehead-specific sunburn’ as the summer nights turn hot to cool.
TINY / COLD / WET
Martinis are great, yeah? But so gigantic. What if you could have a double shot sized one, colder-than-ice-cold, straight from a Jäger machine with a bottle of gin awkwardly wedged in the top of it? What if, indeed. Ask at the bar which particular premium gin we’ve got in right now: it changes every dozen bottles.
THE EAGLE £15
SPECIAL / BOOZY / BALLER / UP
Seems like a lot, doesn’t it? £15, for a single cocktail? Served, madly, out of a ceramic eagle that everyone caws at when ushered down from the high eyrie in which it lives? Dare to Eagle: a changing array of ultra-premium spirits, served from a fucking eagle.